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Hormonal Hostile Takeover: Beliebers on Twitter.

Twitter is a great social networking site. Its short, concise, easy to use and we can all legally stalk our favourite celebrities and musical or sporting heroes. The concept of ‘# trends’ keeps us well informed of what is going on in single cities and places around the world.

So taking all this into account I effectively abandon my Facebook account for a few weeks to seek glory and unneeded knowledge on Twitter. Everything is going great, I tweet Piers Morgan to let him know how much of an egotistical dick-head he is, and follow some hilarious accounts such as ‘@Chino_wanker’ and follow various accounts providing up to date information about Luton Town F.C. I didn’t really take much notice of the worldwide trends.

A few weeks into using Twitter, now only using Facebook to keep informed of event invites and so on, I start to notice that there are loads of fan-made accounts, I was aware of this before, but I didn’t realise that Twitter was peppered with Bieber fans, Lady Gaga fans, One – Direction fans, JLS fans, the list goes on. Fuck me. You can’t escape the army of hormonally dangerous ‘ beliebers’, he’s like some sort of God to them. Perhaps he is the spawn of Satan and the world really is going to end this year, in the form of an angry spotty greasy wave of riots all being controlled by Biebers dick.

Now all I notice every-week is that there’s a worldwide trend set by one of these groups of fans. Stuff such as #bieber is perfect or #Lady Gaga is the queen of pop. Maybe computers and the internet are taking too much of our time. Look at me now, writing an article on the internet at 1:35am (got to be up a 9am), about the internet.. my point is that it feels more like a cult following than a musical following. It’s like those religious nutters you get knocking on your door trying to force Jesus down your throat, I’m starting to feel like these beliebers are trying force Bieber on me. Its like I’m a cow and these bieber fans are chasing me with a red hot branding iron aimed straight at my balls, with a big bieber sign on it, no one wants Bieber on their balls….

I still use Twitter and I haven’t got my balls burn’t so I’m tolerating all this pop-industry twittering. I’m just glad those people most probably hate the music I like, which is nice, there are certain types of people you would rather not be associated with in life after-all. Murderers, pedos, racists, towie fans, the Sun newspaper readers, Piers Morgan, Adrian Durham and of course Beliebers.



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